Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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