no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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