just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize