my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
