Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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