I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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