I CAN MOONWALK!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
