I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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