Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
