he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
