So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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