Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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