What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
