batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
