remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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