You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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