So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
