Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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