I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
