bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
