just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize