We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
