It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
