Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
