my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
