My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
