I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
