There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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