Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
