My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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