Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize