Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
