So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
