If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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