"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
