i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
