Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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