So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
