well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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