Soap is not a condiment
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
