I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
