My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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