shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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