my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
