I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize