i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
