someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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