just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Houston, we have a squirter
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
