she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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