You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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