and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
