When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This baby is an asshole
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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