You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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