We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
