My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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