I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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