i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize