Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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