Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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