wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
