I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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