Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
